Just ...

Morality

            There are two situations happened in the subway.

            One is that the old person standing in front of a young person who sitting on the chair. The young person will stand up and make room for the old person. The other is that a poor person who is disabled or old goes past people one by one for begging money. But no one care. Two situation for morality but different choices people made that help people or not. Why is that?

            Unfortunately, last Friday I was in both of the situations on my way to school. I saw the poor man begging but I did nothing. When I saw the poor man I was sad but tried to persuade myself that I could not always help him and I didn’t have enough money to help poor people like him because I was a student that I did not earn money at all. I thought a lot at that time. But, when I saw the old man standing in front of me, I stand up and make room for him without thinking.

            After that I ask myself why I made so different choice. It was not clear but I figured out a reason. I thought maybe there was a balance between the feeling of helping people and the lost from helping people. When the happiness of helping people is bigger than the lost, I will help people. Such as the happiness of helping old man is bigger than the tired of standing on the train, so I helped him. But the happiness of helping poor people is not bigger than the money, so I ignored him. But when I ignored him I feel guilty conscience so I tried to persuade myself with a lot of reasons which I didn’t believe either.

            When I found out the reason, I had a bitter smile because I just proved that I was a selfish person.

Riding Bicycle at the Side of Han River

            Today, I rode a bicycle with my friend and sister in Yeo-Ui-Do Park. The weather was not good. There were dark clouds and cold winds. We arrived in the park late in the afternoon. We lent bicycles in the park and started our riding way.

            The way we riding bicycle was at the side of Han River. It was not my first time riding bike at the riverside road, but I still feel that the river was so beautiful.

            The Han River was wide than I thought. It made me mistaking the river for the sea. The buildings on the other side looked so far from me. And the surface of the river made the waves just like the sea.

            The wind made me feeling so cool. Wind was strong but soft. It touched my face and tangled my hair. It made me forget the weariness that I felt through all week.

            Even though the sky was dark to made things dark, I was hoping that the way was long enough to keep riding bicycle for a long~ long time.

Power of life

This is my only flowerpot.

It has been two years since I kept it.

It was small and short when I got it. In first several months I did not care about it. I just gave some water when I saw it. I was busy to adapt myself to circumstance. But it was strong survival power; it was not only survival but also became taller and bigger. I was surprised and moved.

It became to my friend. I saw her when I had bad time. I felt bravery.

It is taller than me now. I am very proud of it and feel happy.

God and love and sacrifice

            Last Thursday on my way home, I met a woman who believed in god in the subway. She tried to make me believe in god. She said every person in the world had lots of sin. God made his (her) son Jesus to be sacrificed to clear the sins for people. She also said we have to believe in god to clear our sins.

            I always wonder the existence of God. Maybe there is no God. Maybe there are lots of Gods like Buddha or ancient gods in Rome or Allah or any other Gods. Maybe there is only one God but we just seen the different shapes of god. Anyway, it’s a mistake for me.

            I also wonder the story of God, the story in the Bible. If the God exist and the story in the Bible is real God must be very generous. God loves people. He (she) forgive us just because our belief. It’s very difficult to forgive a person for any reason I think. God loves people so much that he (she) gives people so many chances to become one of his (her) people in Heaven.

      But for me, the love of God makes me upset. How can the God so generous? God made his (her) son sacrifice. Maybe love is so strong emotion that sacrifice can be one of love. But I always think if I have done something wrong I have to pay for it myself. And I also think that it’s too bad for the living people to see someone sacrificing for us and dying.

      Maybe one day I will notice sacrifice can be love. But not now.